NHL & Minor Leagues » Savard Trade

(NOTE: It's Mizral from the HF-boards who wrote this.)

The story of the Marc Savard deal:

The following report is a verbatim script of Craig Button talking
with
several General Managers around the NHL in regards to trading F Marc
Savard
the morning of November the 15th, 2002. No names have been changed:

10:20 AM, General Manager of the Chicago Blackhawks, Mike Smith
calls:

Button: Hello?
Smith: Hey there Craig, how are you this morning?
Button: Eh, not bad, see the thing is...
Smith: That's great, Craig. Say, Craigie, I hear your trading that
Marc
Sivard guy?
Button: Oh yes, Savard, I've been looking for a dance partner on him
all
week.
Smith: Well, hopefully we can work something out. This Sivard guy
though,
really seems to have some offensive flair right?
Button: Oh sure, he can put the puck in the net, skate like the
wind, and
make some pretty passes.
Smith: Wonderful, but I have a question,
Button: Shoot.
Smith: Would he possibly agree to change his name if traded?
Button: Hrm.. well, I suppose I could ask. What did you have in mind?
Smith: Well, see, the problem is he only has *one* V in his name. I
make it
a practice never to trade for guys with less than two V's in their
name,
unless their first names are Boris, Igor, or possibly Alexei.
Button: I could ask him, but..
Smith: Oh that'd be great. In fact, we've been running some possible
changes
around the office. "Igor Svavarvavarvadev" would be ideal. Do you
think he'd
object to that?
Button: Mike, have you been drinking?
Smith: Oh, a little Vodka. You know, I just had this stuff imported
from
Moscow, that,
Button: Oh, hold on Mike. I think I have someone on the other line...

*click*

Smith: Hello.. Craig are you there?

2:14 PM, General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Pat Quinn calls:

Quinn: *barking loudly into the phone as a practice is being held in
the
background* Hey! Craig are you there!
Button: Ow, Pat, not so loud. I can hear you just fine.
Quinn: Oh! Well, that's good. Sorry about all this, I'm holding a
practice,
just thought I'd give you a shout about that Savard boy - is he
available?
Button: Yes he is, Pat. Actually, I've got off the phone with Mike
Smith
just a while ago.
Quinn: Drinking again?
Button: Yes, how did you know?
Quinn: *laughs* That idiot always get's soused when he trades. How
do you
think I got McCabe for Karpotsev?!
Button: Was that a tough deal?
Quinn: Actually, it was a nail-biter. Not enough "V's" or something.
He got
over it.
Button: Ah. So you're interested in Savard then?
Quinn: Oh yeah right.. hold on a sec.. *barks orders to the ice*..
alright
there. Sorry, these guys need me to yell out a bit. Otherwise the
media here
won't think I'm doing my job. *chuckles*
Button: Oh.. I see..
Quinn: Right, so where were we. Oh right, Savard. I think this kid
would
look great in a Leaf's uniform. what are you looking for these days,
Craigie?
Button: Well, right now I'm mostly looking for a left winger to
shore up
some problems there.
Quinn: Hrm... let me see.. can't deal Hoglund really, he's our 30
goal
scorer..Darcy is our spare penalty taker after Corson.. .... ...
Button: Pat? Pat are you there?
Quinn: ... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry about that. My heart just stopped
again.
Seems to happen whenever Jyrki touches the puck these days. Even in
practice.
Button: Wow, Pat, maybe you should see a doctor?
Quinn: Nonesense I.. .. ...
Button: Pat! Pat are you there!?
Quinn: Hah! Fooled you I bet! *loud laughing followed by increased
yelling
on the ice*
Button: That's not funny... What the hell is going on there!?
Quinn: Hold on a second, Shayne here is yelling at someone in the
stands.
Button: He does that a lot doesn't he..
Quinn: Look, Craig, I have to go,
Button: Wait! What about Savard?
Quinn: Ahh.. it's alright. Our boys are fine where they are. Sure
we're
dropping games and playing poorly, but all we need to do is stick to
our
vets and we'll get out of this one fine.
Button: Does that really work?
Quinn: You bought it too? Man, I'm getting good at this job!

*click*

4:11 PM, Boston Bruins General Manager calls:

Button: Hey there Mike
Sinden: This isn't Mike. It's Harry.
Button: Harry? My call display says it's Mike O'Connel? Isn't he the
GM now?
Sinden: Hah! People in Boston still believe that too! Isn't it great?
Button: I guess so. Let me guess, interested in Savard?
Sinden: Bingo! I know it might not seem we have room for him on our
roster,
but I've been trying this new program lately, and I'm hoping he can
be a
part of it.
Button: Program? What kind of program?
Sinden: Well, first.. does he play for banana's?
Button: Well, Marc makes a little over a million dollars, but maybe
you
could talk to him about renegotiating his contract for less money?
Sinden: No.. I mean real banana's. Like the type you eat?
Button: *long pause*... I don't think so..
Sinden: Damn. Back to the trained monkey idea then.

*click*

5:58 PM, Atlanta General Manager Don Waddel calls:

Button: Oh, hey Don. How's things?
Waddel: I have Ilya and you don't!
Button: Do you have to start every conversation like that?
Waddel: What would be the fun of having the kid if you couldn't?
Button: Alright, good point.
Waddel: Anyways, about that Savard guy?
Button: Ug. I'm exhausted. You wouldn't believe the day I've had
Don. First
Mike Smith calls up drunk, then Quinn calls and has a heart attack..
or two
I'm still not sure. Then Harry Sinden with some .. *stupid* monkey
idea. I'm
about ready to give up and just take a bag of pucks.
Waddel: Well .... have I got great news for you then!
Button: Oh? What?
Waddel: We just got this new shipment of pucks, all with cool
Atlanta
Thrashers logo's on them. Better still, the bag is made of this
great black
mesh we stole from Philidelphia.
Button: Oh for god's sakes....
Waddel: That doesn't impress you? Well the bag is filled to the brim
of
pucks.. but that's not the best part..
Button: *groans*..
Waddel: Each puck has been signed by future superstar, Ilya
Kovalchuk!
Button: ....
Waddel: Well? Do we have a deal? These things will be worth a bundle
in a
couple of years!
Button: .. alright. Fine. But I'm not bringing them here, you ship
them!
Waddel: Great! Now let me think, someone to bring them.. oh, we just
drafted
this new kid, big guy. Zainuilon or something. He should be strong
enough.
You can have him too if you want..
Button: Can he play hockey?
Waddel: Well.. that's debatable really. But he can carry pucks.
Button: Whatever.
Waddel: Wait, Craig, one last thing,
Button: *depresed sigh* What is it, Don?
Waddel: Just well.. I guess it's nothing..
Button: No.. what's up?
Waddel: Well.. could he possible.. change his first name to Ilya?
Button: NO!!

*click*

I started a hockeyfight and finished in bed