We might be onto something here. The NHL is cracking down on obstruction and fighting, and that's just in Bankruptcy Court. Fights are way down this season on the ice. Could this have anything to do with two teams filing for bankruptcy? Never know. Nonetheless, there are some die-hard scrappers that have been tossing Bettman's memos and providing spark for their clubs. And some softies too. Using a very sophisticated and century-old hand-crafted formula (Guinness Stoudt) we have mathematically tabulated the latest Enforcers Meter:
1. Jody Shelley. With a first name like his, you'd be a scrapper too. Leads the NHL in fighting majors; does not back down from anyone. Living in Ohio would make you irritable too.
2. Peter Worrell. The former football player is a menace with size, strength and fists. Ask Eric Boulton, who suffered a old-fashioned beatdown this season. Worrell seldom loses. NHL's version of Shaft: Not the part of the stick, but the Hollywood action dude.
3. Eric Boulton. If your employer was bankrupt, you'd be swinging too. But Boulton was fighting long before the Sabres' latest woes. Has emerged as one of the willingest fighters in the league. The cop haircut helps too.
4. Jesse Boulerice. This rookie cut his teeth, and knocked some out too, with the Flyers organization before his trade. Has caught veteran fighters off guard this season as his style was previously unknown. Mean streak and plenty of it. Helluva year so far.
5. Eric Cairns. Maybe it's all those questions from SEC investigators looking into Computer Associates making him cranky. He obviously doesn't need fighting tips, but what's with the Dawson's Creek haircut?
6. Donald Brashear. Has fought much less this season than previous years. But who in the hell wants to fight this guy? You can't beat him. Like a bad carnival ride, you just gotta hang on until it ends, bloodied or not.
7. P.J. Stock. A fan favorite wherever he plays. Pound for pound the toughest fighter in the league. Low center of gravity proving hard for opponents to navigate. Just plain fun to watch. Reminds you of Stan Jonathan that wore the black and gold and beat opponents black and blue. Old time hockey, eh?
8. George LaRaque. Any hockey name that sounds like "The Rock" is alright with us. Waiting for him to blurt: "You smell what LaRaque is cookin'?" Still tough as nails. Like Brashear, few want to throw down with LaRaque, hence the low fighting majors this season.
9. Kevin Sawyer. Possibly related to Frances Sawyer of Stripes fame who often warned his platoon buddies: "You touch me ... I'll killya. You touch any of my stuff ... I'll killya."
10. Jeff Odgers. Yes, this guy is still fighting and fighting often. Unconfirmed that he fought Gordie Howe during Howe's rookie season.
OVER-RATED & OVER-HYPED
The League's New Mr. Softies
1. Scott Parker. Maybe it's the altitude in Colorado, or the attitude. Parker has all the makings but somewhere along the line playing with Forsberg may have him believing he's Jari Kurri, instead of a poor man's but beefed up Esa Tikkanen.
2. Bryan Marchment. With a whopping total of 3 fights so far, or one for every 35 or so cheap shots, it's a wonder an opponent hasn't beheaded him yet. A throw-back player alright ... should be thrown back to AHL or ECHL.
3. Dale Purinton. Proposed new last name is Purina. Alleged tough guy has gone way soft, much like his Rangers team. Over-hyped in the off-season as head gargoyle for Lindros and Bure, but has delivered as much protection as ah ... Barnaby or US Immigration.
4. Shane Hnidy. OK, we understand he's new and all but is he paying the Ottawa commentators on the side to portray him as the second coming of Bob Probert? Also the H is silent in his name which reminds us of France and any hint of France always pisses us off because it's like a whole country of Kevin Collins' & other NHL refs.
Méschda Hoschbess holy
...und nichts ist wie es scheint!!If you dropped the gloves in the office over an injustice and bloodied your boss, you'd get slapped with a lawsuit and five years in the tank. Drop the gloves in hockey and you get five minutes.
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